There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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