Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
