In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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