That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
