I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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