Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
is wine microwaveable?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
