you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
