just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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