why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
