Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Every concussion has its silver lining
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
