The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
