College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
