she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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