he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
