It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
