Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize