Can i not drive my cunt home
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
