after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
