I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
