In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
