So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
