he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
