you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
