Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
