I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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