he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
