I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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