I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
