there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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