i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
did i just pee glitter
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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