So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
