I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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