I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
