She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
