you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
