If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
