you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
