They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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