jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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