Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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