p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
cat food counts as protein by the way
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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