Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
