Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
