we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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