How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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