I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
