I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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