I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There's always time for handjobs
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
