dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
