and she was petting her beer can
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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