There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Apparently you make a good broom.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
