saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
