6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
