We named our party play list daddy issues
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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