i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
