Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
