I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
420 ftw
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
