There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
