I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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