did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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