both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
