why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
